The challenges of co-parenting are many, but they are not without their rewards. Indeed, there are plenty of challenges that accompany parenting generally speaking. But some of the specific challenges of co-parenting can be effectively routed if you simply know they’re coming. That’s what we’ll be talking about today.

What Are Some Challenges of Co-Parenting?

There are always going to be significant challenges of co-parenting. Even the most well adjusted, happiest, most married couples of all time are going to have challenges raising a child. And they should! Part of the point of being a parent is to encounter new challenges, right? And life is… unpredictable.

So if the so-called “perfect” family is going to have problems, it’s no surprise that co-parenting can have challenges as well. To be clear: co-parenting is essentially what happens when parents of a child are separated, divorced, or never married in the first place.

This isn’t necessarily a bad arrangement, though it’s often presented in popular culture as less than ideal (it’s important to remember that popular culture is often wrong). Being able to tackle the challenges unique to co-parenting can mean benefits both for you and your child, to say nothing of your peace of mind. What are the unique challenges of co-parenting you should be prepared to endure? Let’s take a quick look.

The Challenge of Time

The first challenge that most co-parenting families are going to encounter is the challenging of time. If you have your child is hanging around you for part of the week and with your partner for the rest of the week, divvying up that time could be difficult. That difficulty comes from the logistics of the task, not to mention the emotions involved in the task.

There are several common ways that parents decide to split up their time with their children (many of these are suggested by child custody attorneys who have worked on many of these cases):

  • Weekends with one parent, weekdays with the other
  • Every other weekend with one parent, the rest of the time with the primary parent
  • An even split: half the time with one parent, half the time with the other (usually both parents will live in the same school district)
  • School year with one parent, summer vacations with the other (usually this occurs when the parents live in separate state or countries)

As you can probably guess, there are benefits and drawbacks to each of these schedules. Many parents will also develop custom schedules in order to suit their own individual needs. Sometimes these issues need to be sorted out by attorneys and judges, but in many cases, parents come to a compromise.

The Holiday Challenge

When you’re the child of co-parents, you get bonus holidays. You get two thanksgivings, two Christmases, two birthdays. Every year. And while that sounds kind of nice at first, eventually it turns into a new source of stress for the kids. Think about it, as a child, you somehow have to experience the magic of every celebration twice. You have to stuff yourself at two Thanksgiving celebrations in the same day.

That’s tough. And it can certainly lead to some family tensions. Who gets the kids for the first meal on Thanksgiving? And who gets them for the second?

Here’s my suggestion to parents–who, by the way, should be focused on making these holidays as easy as possible for their kids: Rotate everything. If one parent wants the kids on Christmas, the other parent should focus on Christmas Eve. You can always rotate it the next year. Same thing with New Year’s Day and Eve.

The Re-Marriage Challenge

When you’re co-parenting, you’re also moving on with your life. That means that it’s not unheard of that you will remarry at some point, ensuring your child will have a stepmother or stepfather. Or, perhaps it’s your co-parenting partner who will remarry instead.

This happens, and it’s important that, when it does happen, you be there for your kids. Because who knows how your kids will react? It’s a lot of emotion to process in a very short amount of time. So it’s never a bad idea to take things slow and ensure that everyone knows that no one is being replaced.

A stepmother, after all, is not the same thing as a replacement mother, despite what various Disney movies may have taught you growing up.

The Never Ending Challenge

Parenting, ultimately, is a significant challenge. Some might call it a never ending challenge. Because as long as you and your kids are around, you’re going to encounter issues and challenges. That’s true whether you’re co-parenting, single-parenting, or group-parenting. Any type of parenting is going to bring with it challenges. That’s just what you signed up for. Hopefully the challenges of co-parenting are eased only slightly if you can at least anticipate some of them.